The Country Under My Skin

This morning left me conflicted. My travels end here today and I am fcking angry that I have to go home. I keep saying to myself that I don't want to leave, but I mean what I say. I take a lot of mental baggage with me along with the bag I have already. This morning my friends travel on to Leon, and the unknowns left me with the decision to stay the day. I will probably spend most of the day researching the internet, studying, and talking with travelers. My local friend has invited me on a boat but who knows if they will show up. (It turned out that they did not.) I found the book Dylan left (probably wanted to pass the gift on, but I will read it of course) and although his intentions were for someone else, I think that the gesture was meant for it to be left to someone to have a great experience in a time when they need to escape into another reality when their own isn't par up.

I've found this Isaac Asimov book I noticed in the book cabinet here at The Bearded Monkey that I will also take with me. I am enjoying the small talks I am having with the locals-and travelers. They all have amazing stories. I definitely feel that if I have the chance to return I will jump on it. Escaping consumerism was the best thing that I could have done- its so easy to get caught up in living your life that it's hard to slow down and appreciate life as it comes flooding in.

Bienvenido a Nicaragua

I am distracted by everything. By the people I talk to, by the things around me, and most of all-by the thought of going home.

I think I'll have a beer.

Today turned out to be a really awesome day. What I thought would be boring was not: what I thought I wouldn´t do, I did. I started out with a temporary bad attitude because I spent the entirety of my stay in one place, and though it was filled with numerous day trips, I still felt like I needed to see everything I could squeeze into this tiny trip. I felt this way even though I know I am an open minded person and i´m ok with just going with the flow. I think because i am so excited to be in a different country where people sit together in their doorframe near evening and talk and aren´t so preoccupied with television and all of the consumerism that surrounds the US. It turned out that I´ve found realization. Granada has made me more patient, and in retrospect, allowed me to slow down just a little from my own constant craziness. It has left in my a sweet spot.

I said before that I wanted to go to the market at Massaya because I read that it harbored work from local artists and a lot of things to find in one place. My friends wanted to visit La LAguna de Apoyo- a volcanic-crater filled lake for the day. After seeing El Lago de Nicaragua I figured it´d be just as polluted and not worth going, or that it was a man made body of water with cement blocks. Thats what people were saying around the hostel, but they were so WRONG. hahaha. And I was wrong in every way and I regret even thinking otherwise.

In the morning we met a wonderful English rasta girl named Jo-who had been traveling back from her lengthy stay at little corn island. She´s a gardener and lives in a 3-horse trailer converted into a flat, which is attached to a big four-wheeler. She´s a bit of a hippie in a good way- and decided to tag along because we were going to go to the market as well. We took a chicken bus to the market at Massaya and immediately another to La Laguna de Apoyo. The views from the bus were spectacular and we made some small talk on the bus with a few of the local kids getting out of school. Once we arrived we found a public access to the water and jumped right in.
Huge mountains (inactive volcano?) surrounded the crater in a gargantuan size and the wave-rippled water was blue and inviting. The water felt warm and was barely salty. Apparently it was sulfur-filled and the water had many healing properties to it. Also, after getting out it left me feeling rejuvenatedd and not at all sticky. We entertained ourselves with pictures, floating, rock-throwing contests and of course, swimming. I forgot my towel, but the wind was steady and I air-dried before I could borrow a towel.

The restaurant we went to was sunny and had huge hammocks and we all had a great time talking and drinking a beer while we waited for our food. It seemed like we talked about everything. I felt open and free and I really had a nice time getting to know not only my old friends but the new ones as well. The food was delicious, and cooked well, and after we all took a siesta on the hammocks ahah. And I didnt want to leave, the views were utterly breathtaking.


We were walking our way from the water and noticed a taxi, and he only charged us $5 dollars each to take us to the market at Massaya, which was a long walk from where we were at the bottom of the crater. Once we got to the market we started at the food section and managed to get one of the ladies to walk us to the craft part. She followed for about a half-hour thinking we would only be a couple minutes because she wanted us to buy some fruit, but we ended up staying until it closed and she left when she knew we would take longer than expected. The constant hassle of the local merchants was annoying and tiring and is the ONLY tactic they use. Buy this, buy this buy thisssssss. I wanted them to just let me be, but thats not how it works and the more I tried to find what I was looking for the more tired I became. Coupled with the amount of sun made it impossible to deal with them. But I did get what I was looking for, and I found a hammock for $12 dollars and a wallet for $2.

After the market we found a bus home and I went with Jo to Iglesia La Merced, which was still having an Ash Wednesday service, and we climbed the spiral stairs 72 steps to the top of the bell tower where the sunset views were amazing over Granada. It gave me peace again from the craziness of the market. The man who sat at the bottom gave me the protective saint necklace (raina had given me a similar one, but I really dont know what they are called), and I wanted to stay up there for a while too.

But we took some pictures and went down to the market in Massaya because she wanted to buy a woven bracelet from this dude with conch shells in his ears. I bought a bracelet I fit around my ankle that I´ve been eyeing for four days, and a ring from Ronald who was the artist weaving in our hostel. He made it specially for me when I described what I really wanted. It was ready when I got out of the shower, isnt that incredible.

We all decided to go eat again at the pizza place because it was cheap and the food was soooo good. Dylan and Jo had a beer and everyone else had something different, but the conversation was still awesome and I really loved being around the people I was with. We walked back to the bearded monkey and I sat with Ronald and Roberto who were the locals who hung out and learned some more spanish (its really gratifying to be able to communicate over a language barrier.) After I couldnt stop yawning I sat down and wrote my entry and then went to bed.

And except for the sunburn I slept really well.


I dont know what is on the agenda for tomorrow, but I leave in the evening (Friday morning 1:50 AM) so I will arrange a service back to the airport and depart from my friends. :(


¿homebound?

Sorry, last night the computers were being hogged for over an hour haha. And I was tired so I just decided to sleep instead of wait. Yesterday we stayed in Granada an extra day, and I guess that´s what we´re doing today too. I dont really want to, but I am open minded; I guess I just wanted to see a little more than Granada. Thats okay though, Im thankful for just being here. Maybe if they do something Im not so into I can just catch a bus to Massaya and check out the craft market. Well see. They were talking about going to some Laguna, I guess that might be fun...I cant know unless I try right.


Yesterday was spent mostly walking around the city, and I befriended a local who wants to teach me how to weave these bracelets/etc that people sell around her e. its really complicated but they look really awesome when youre done!

I got sick from eating something and so I stayed in last night, even though I wanted to check out this place.
I learned a lot of spanish just talking with the locals, and as the night progressed I became more and more tired and less able to hold on to all of it. Plus I had gas pains. THOSE ARE HORRIBLE OK.

Today was the first day that I truly felt at peace with my surroundings. I feel like I´m beginning a story and I have so many words jumbled inside my mind that its difficult to separate them. I am starting to understand why people travel this way for mopnths on end, living this life should be beautiful. We should all stroive to make new experiences shape us. The recluse who makes no choices because of the people he doesant want to affect doesn´t live. Well...he lives, but just barely. To remain static in this life is for the weak. I really respect the nomad.

It took us awhile to get going today, but I appreciated the time. Dylan, Cody, Erika, Anna (A traveler we met) and I walked through the market to find the buses to take us to Mombacho. I sat next to a man who had eight kids, and a beautiful wife he loves very much. He told me about Mombacho and when the scenery peeked through the window my jaw popped. I was standing next to a mountain, figuratively of course.

Once the chicken-bus dropped us off at the entrance we paid 5 cordobas each to be taken 1.5 km up the mountain where we were hassled to take the truck to the top for $14 US. They said it´d take about 3 hours to climb it and so without thinking we declined and started to walk. At first, it wasnt bad...the mountain had a slow incline and became steeper as time progressed. After about 45 minutes or so I had to stop because of a couple reasons, the most important that my airway had closed and i could feel my pulse through places you shouldn´t and it was beating so hard that my vision started to blur. I felt defeated. I told Dylan I needed to rest and I felt tears and emotion starting to build inside of me. I hated that my body was weak. I hated that I couldnt do something that I wanted to do so badly because of the limits my body gave me. But thats the way it is. Dylan walked down with me to the summit and tried to get the truck to take us up but it would have taken an extra 3 hours waiting and i decided that it was not meant to be. walking back down left my quad muscles shaking with every step and my throat a little hard to breathe out of. On top of everything I was really upset that I didnt make it to the top. But everything happens because it needs to happen. I need to get into shape. Not so much change the way my body looks, but the way my body feels and adapts to stress.

I paid 40 cordobas in total getting down that mountain and I cant believe the money he charged me. But he was nice and in the end it really only cost 2 dollars to get down. So I waited to catch the bus back to Grenada and within minutes was picked up by the same bus that had taken us there. The driver recognized me and came to sit next to me once he could take a break from driving. We talked until we got back to Grenada and I ended up walking around the market for some time. I bought some shoes that costed me 10 dollars because i have no good pairs of sneakers with me (or at home) and was greeted by anna who had decided to come back early as well because the climb was crazy. It was her birthday the day before and we had been drinking and besides the other things, it was clear why we couldnt last.

We walked the market a bit and then decided to head back and stopped at a hamburger place that was cheap. Against my better judgement I ate a burger (2/3s of it) and we talked while we ate. She is going to school in May for biology, and loves to ride motorbikes. Shes a cool girl, genuinely nice. She wanted to find this backpacker´s store called neverix (sp?) but they were closed when we got there. It opens tomorrow though so maybe we will check that out. She told me about her Argentinian friends that she met in her travels and I noticed her sweet tooth for one of them and it was nice to see someone´s face light up that way about someone she barely knew. They kept in contact through facebook and I hope someday they meet again.

Showers are so nice when you dont always have the luxury, and by the time I was done the boys and erika were back. I honestly wanted to cry and hug them, because they mean a lot to me. Dylan didn´t have to walk down with me and then back up by himself-in fact i told him i didnt want him to because i knew how hard it was for me to climb what i had climbed. i was embarassed and held back tears for a while and then i cried because i realized that i had a real friend, a really great friend.

But anyway, we were all hungry by this time (730) and we set out with light hearts to find the pizza place we heard about. yeah yeah, i know, im in central america, why am i eating pizza? dude you have no idea how good it is. we talked about a lot of memories, and i learned some things i didnt know about any of them. i didnt know that erika and cody had known each other for 6 years. thats an amazing difference from just 1 year. (the night before, he proposed on top of this older building overlooking the city...theyre engaged! not new news but certainly lovely to hear.) it took us some time to pick a pizza and dylan and anna played schnick schnack schnook (germany´s version of rock,paper,scissors) toi decide between a margherita and marinera. The marinera won and we ate a pizza that had cheese, green olives, TUNA, and onions. Wow. The first bite was a little weird, and afterwards it tasted so good I wanted to eat the whole pizza- but I limited myself to just one, and just one beer. I didn´t want to die tomorrow.

The dinner was great, the company was great, and so was the conversation. I really enjoyed their company and felt like I was making some memories!

I sat down next to Dylan and talked about some things and realized that I really don´t know inside what I want to do after I get my first degree. I say I have all of these plans, and Im sure Ill do it-but part of me just wants to disappear and travel just like Im doing right now. And maybe thats what Ill do. Dylan told me about this nursing job that allows nurses to work in the amazon...it sounds dangerous and exciting and seems like something that would change my life. after a little bit i was so tired and wanted some t ime to think and so i laid down in a hammock and ended up falling asleep for about 10-15 minutes. I decided that the night wasn´t going to keep going and went to sleep with a heavy heart.

Tonight I dwelled on morbid thoughts. I feel disconnected from most of my family in a way I wish that I wasn´t. I only really care enough to need my grandparents, my brother, and my mother in my life. I was thinking that I dont know what I´ll do when my Mother passes. My father´s death left me in pieces and I just dont know what Ill be when Im left alone. I feel as though I may lose it and disappear, but who knows what kind of support system I´ll have. I wish she lived forever. What will I do without her?


buenas noches, para dormir y con una gran corazón y una mente.

primero dia part dos.

it seems as if the locals here in grenada are pleasant. they are helpful, and kind and although they want to sell you the clothes off of their back-they arent opposed to giving you direcciones to somewhere you probably wont understand unless you speak and understand fluently the native language.

this place gives me a constant mind rush. after speaking with some of the locals and the travelers here i can certainly understand the willingness never to return to whatever life they may have had before this one. life is a story, and what is a story without a plot? i feel like my life has been static up until recently. though many things happen to build character, its almost as if the country i live in shadows a lot in consumerism and greed. ignorance too.

after finding a way to break down the barriers, and my money-we found the bus to take to the market where we would find further transportation to uca. the bus was a multi-colored old yellow school bus and sort of reminded me of the bus harry potter travels in on his way to the crusty crab, wait what? you know what i mean. it would stop every so often out of necessity and would go at the beat of a hand from the two men working the doors (sometimes the bus would take off without them and theyd run and run wild until itd stop again ahah.) the bus must have had more than 50 people on it. im not sure the occupancy but it was certainly almost double. i didnt mind so much that people were leaning on me for support, they didnt mind the leaning or the fact that i kept asking in horrible spanish how they were, where they were going and where to get off. they really seem to appreciate the fact that we try to not butcher their beautiful language, and understand their culture-but there are always the ones we run into that say PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE with a clap or two following the gesture.

the taxis fight over their customers the way middle-aged women fight over the last pair of perfect jeans in their size, or their place in the wait for the restroom. erika met this pretty girl on the bus who turned out to really help us to make sure we werent being ripped off and stayed safe on our journey. i wanted to cry. i wanted to tell her how genuinely real she was; but she will know when the time comes to be judged. i prayed for her before i went to sleep last night, and for all of the others i wanted God to speak to.

we got to uca and the same process continued, the man in the mini-bus took our bags from the taxi and started his way to the trunk of the minibus . i didnt understand the gestures and assumed my belongings were being taken-i grabbed hold of my bag and said, ¨parada parada, quiero mi mochilla...¨which i dont believe that would be the right way to say what i wanted, but the others werent too crazy about it so i stopped and we decided to take the mini bus to grenada.

the mini-bus worked in the same way and picked up passengers around the neighborhood (the man responsible for gaining passengers to the bus ran beside the van encouraging locals to hop on and pay the 20cs to grenada or wherever they were going...i was suprised they were enticed.) the breeze felt liberating and the views of the original architecture were an awesome thing to see. the mountains and valleys were wide with vegetation and i wanted to stop and stare, but even in nicaragua life keeps on keepin on.

the animals here are something. they walk around homeless and occupy and building or street they want. but they look happy to me. they look happy not to be locked up in a cage waiting for someone to love them. they love themselves.

so we get to grenada and walk around the central park and see that people are selling different things. crafts and food and tourist trinkets. but we found our beared monkey not too long after and managed not to get lost in the process :)

the building is situated on a quiet street, and the doors are usual for central america-wrought iron in curves like a woman´s body. the walls are filled with art and flyers that tell you where to go and what to do and the hallway procedes into the common area of the hostel. the room is made up mostly of a courtyard with an open roof. it has a palm tree and other types of plants and a few tables in the center. the perimeter is home to many multicolored hammocks and swing chairs and feels like home. there are computers on the far left side and tables surrounding the remaining areas except for a long corner couch that seems like the perfect place to settle in with a book at night. there is also a bar next to the computers where they sell liters of toña for 45 CS. thats like 2.10 or something in US.

we all rented a bed in the dorms here, and lockers to lock our bags in for 6 dollars a night. cheap right?

we walked the neighborhood to find some food and came across a cafe that sold muffins and cakes and coffee and decided to sit down. a girl staying in the hostel that had no one with her joined us. anna is from germany and has traveled much of central america in the past two months. she works as a volunteer for an organization i believe is called VNP or VMP or BNP i really cant remember. but she gets to work with the after-school programs here helping the kids with their homewokrk. so then we walked into town and down a long street filled with tiendas pequeños and las restorantes until we came to el lago de nicaragua. one of the lakes here.
the lake was filled with cloudy water and lots of garbage. it looked like the ocean and i was overcome with a feeling of dread. i didnt like seeing a body of water so polluted. i feel like lakes and streams and oceans have no say in the matter, i think thats why i felt that way.

after a while of walking and talking about many things we walked around central park looking at the crafts. i bought two woven bracelets 8 though i cannot find the other one haha) for 80 cs (6 us) and took our leave back to the hostel. i wanted to find some tennis shoes and erika wanted some flip flops so we tried to find a place that sold them, but i am not so perfect at spanish yet and found myself lost trying to find a place that was most likely closed early or all day for sunday.

and even though i wasnt hungry i went with my friends to get some dinner and man i ate it all, suprisingly. the gallo de pinto and platanos with fried chicken was really awesome with s0me local chili sauce on it. they serve this sort of cheese that tastes a lot like blue/goat/brie mixed together but it was a little too strong and i dont trust dairy products here.

later we settled in and relaxed. i took a shower and shit it felt awesome. we sat around and talked about what we were doing and where we were going and shared a couple liters of toña. we played setia media (sp?) with cards and dominos and i listened as the great conversations permeated the surroundings. a man named gregorio joined us and shared stories about his travels and told us that he was starting a chocolate business here (cacao, no hersheys.) and was trying to start a communal kitchen for the area that focused on nutrition. i hope that he finds his way to do that because these people need the help. though gaining their trust will be the hardest obstacle he faces.

I went to bed with a light heart and climbed into my bunk and fell fast asleep. next time i will drink water though because i woke up with a headache from the beer. nothing that a shower didnt fix.


today we will go to the monkey hut i believe, or the isle of ometepe but i cant be sure. youll find out.

love.

if you had to pick any experience to have what would it be? would you choose the fast-paced transient life, fit with unknowns; or the safe life.

because once you make the choice to live, there isnt anything else in your path.
thats a promise.




i made it safely with my three confidantes. the plane ride from ft. lauderdale was a quiet one. upon leaving the states i stared out at miami as the city passed in one thousand gorgeous, twinkling lights and was overcome with melancholy, until slight specs of grey surrounded the plane and in one fell swoop we were under. it gave me a mind rush. i wanted to panic, i wanted to turn around. it scared me. but you know? sometimes we have to experience scary scary things in order to see.

we could not get a bus from the airport when we arrived because it was too late and the taxi wanted us to pay forty dollars per person to go to grenada (which should have only cost about 10.) instead, we opted to crash on the airport floor/chairs until 0630. it was a challenge to find change for the currency the atm dispensed, no one carries around that big of a bill down here and i must have asked ¨Puedo encontrar dar un billetes mas pequenos?¨about a million trillion times before i gave in and bought a 2 dollar wallet.

Will finish later.